I Don’t Know

How do you change past mistakes,

How do you take away the wrongs,

How long will you be judged from your past missteps,

Positive precepts were not always used,

So not practicing discipline always left me emotionally battered and bruised,

I never refused to attempt to do the right thing,

I just didn’t bring positive energy at all times,

Now that I’m a positive person,

Writing positive rhymes,

How does a person fix emotional crimes that they might have unintentionally inflicted on someone,

Nothing against the law,

Just things that I know people saw as wrong,

Have relationships been too broken long to fix ,

I don’t know

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My Creativity

I feel like I give everything away or it’s been taken away,

Emotions, money, time,

My creativity is mine.

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Random Memories/So I Won’t Forget: Kindergarten

I love memories. Sometimes I try to see how far back I can remember. These are memories I remember from kindergarten.

These are things I write so I won’t forget.

⭐I remember even though I lived directly across the street from the school I went to. Nobody in my neighborhood went to the that school. The way they divide school districts are strange here. You and the people who live across the street could be in two different school districts. It’s some invisible line that divides the districts, I don’t know the thinking behind it.

⭐I remember the principal was odd. Odd like, she had 3 last names an she insisted on people using them all. Mrs Jones Jones Jones.

It was so irritating that she made people say all three last names. She didn’t like me much either.

Once she made some kids parent so mad that she got chased around the building by the parent. She locked herself in her office and called the police. “Hello police, this is Mrs Jones Jones Jones “. The police did show up and arrest the parent.

⭐ I remember I used to fight at lunch all the time. It was always for the same reasons, someone either cut me in lunch line or pushed me out of the line. For some reason they had the kindergarten students and the 4th graders going to lunch at the same time. The 4th graders were way bigger than us so they would bully the kindergartners. Not me, I was quick to swing as soon as one of them tried me. I thought it was a game, I remember not being scared of any of them. I got in trouble at least 3 times a week. My mom had to come to the school often because of this. I wasn’t bad I was just not going to be bullied . I do admit I handled it the wrong way but I was a child. Funny thing I remember was I had amazing leaping skills. Big kid cut me in line next thing he knows I’ve jumped on his back attacking. Like I said I thought it was a game, I was never mad. Fighting and wrestling was fun when I was 5 years old.

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Music Diary:Kanye West-Spaceship

I remember listening to the entire College Dropout album in full on the way to a job I couldn’t stand. This song brings back memories of struggle.

I was working in retail when College Dropout, came out. I don’t have any comment on Kanye West right now just because I don’t pay attention to him, but I will say this album is classic.

“SPACESHIP “was a song that I related to. There were things in this song that I 100% have done or have had happened to me.

At the time I worked at a horrible retail store for a long time. I stayed because I couldn’t find another job that paid more or would give me the hours. Plus I had a bad experience before being completely unemployed and that was scary.Now I know I should have quit and took a job for less money and had less stress.

I didn’t like that job so much I would get physical sick before I walked in. The management team was so unprofessional. From sleeping together, to stealing electronics all the way to sexual harrassment and racist comments. They did it all.

Also I didn’t like Retail work. I worked in a retail store that sold strictly office supplies. The customers I dealt with really wanted you to do everything for them. They didn’t want to pick anything up or look for anything themselves. I literally did everything for the customer. They would come in with a list, I would go get the stuff. Then I would ring them up, and carry the stuff to their car. This was long before curb side service. All customers didn’t do this but many did.

Another thing, why did my schedule say I get off at 9:30 pm if management knew they were going to keep us here until 10:30 pm or later. I think this made me more upset than everything combined. The store closed at 9pm, which gave us 30 minutes to clean up the store. We would always be done on time, but the managers always made us wait until they were done with their paperwork. Always said,everyone has to leave together. My thing was we do the exact same thing every night, why didn’t management either switch the schedule or speed up. I can’t stand people to tell me when I can come and go, especially when my schedule said I should be off work.

While we are serving customers hand and foot, we were still expected to make quotas and stock shelves. If I spend 30 to 40 minutes per customer, how much work do you think I can accomplish?

This was just my experience at one Retail store. I’m sure some people like Retail work, not me.

I love music. Music always brings up memories, some good some bad.

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Letter to Myself:5th day of summer

Date:Sometime when I was 13

Today I got to see something crazy/horrible/criminal. I’m over at my friends house a block away from grandma’s house.

We were outside talking and this guy named Terrell comes over. He is really tall for his age, like 6 foot only 15 years old. He has little arms like a Tyrannosaurus and he has a voice like a old robot. He is a real character.

Well, he comes over and talks for awhile when this yellow cat that’s always around walks in front of him. This is when he did the most random, stupid, odd thing I’ve seen in a long time. He grabs the cat by the tail and swings it around like a lasso and throws it on the roof of a near by house. Like I said before Terrell is 6 feet tall and he is not skinny. So when he threw the cat, he tossed it about 2 roofs over. I bet that cat didn’t know what happened, one minute he’s walking next he’s flying. We didn’t say much because he might have tried to throw us on the roof next. That was definitely animal cruelty. Plus that cat belongs to someone, now he’s probably mentally unstable. I feel bad for the cat.

Even though that was crazy, I feel sad that was the most interesting thing that stood out today. I got to find something to do this summer.

CJ

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100+ Places I Want To Visit in Disney World 1-5

I have never been anywhere close to Disney World. All my life I always wanted to go. For awhile I thought I was actually going to be able to afford to go, but life happened and I couldn’t. During the time I thought I was going to be able to go I started reading all types of stuff about Disney World so I could have the best time possible.

I made up list for almost every attraction that I wanted to visit and the reasons why.

1.Splitsville Luxury Lanes: I’m not the best at bowling but this place looks incredible. It looks good in the daytime, but it looks great at night. It’s the exterior light design that makes it look cool. The food looks good, but of course its expensive, everything is expensive in Disney World. It looks like a great place to spend a fun evening.

2.Everglazed Donuts & Cold Brew: I don’t usually eat sweets, but whenever I do get to Disney World this place is on my list. Just the pictures alone make me want to go, but it also gets great reviews about the staff and how efficient they are. I can’t eat too much there or I’ll be sick, but I got to test it out.

3.M&M’S DISNEY SPRINGS: I’ve got mixed feelings about this place . The pictures look cool, and the entire theme seems amazing. The problem is I’ve read it’s very small and that the lines are long often. I don’t even like M&M’s anymore, too much sugar, but I know my family and friends would love it. Plus I wouldn’t mind a tshirt from there, so it’s on the list.

4.The LEGO STORE DISNEY SPRINGS: This might be my first stop if possible. I’m still a big kid and this place seems incredible. I know there have to be people out there who don’t like Legos, I’ve just never met them. Legos are for all ages. This list is not in order because this would be first.

5.coca-cola store disney springs: This is a place that I only want to visit for the merchandise that has nothing to do with the drink. I don’t like coca-cola but I wouldn’t mine some merchandise and souvenirs. Plus my family and friends would like this place, so it’s on the list.

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Its Money

Do you want money,

Do you need money,

What are you going to do with it,

I’m not talking about a little bit,

I mean if you were rich,

Would you look out for the ones who looked out for you,

Would you financially bless the ones who remain true,

Would you let people take advantage of your kindness,

It’s a lot of blindness going on when you are broke,

But when you get wealthy you get a healthy dose of reality,

The reality is some people love money more than you,

If they will sell their soul,

What makes you think they won’t sell you,

I used to think lust was the root of all evil,

But I should have believed you,

MONEY

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My Words

I want to get better in every way,

A part of that is being careful with what I say,

No way anyone still doesn’t believe words are powerful,

If you don’t believe just look around,

If people even think you said the wrong thing it’s a serious problem,

Sometimes I feel if Freedom of Speech was a person,

Some people have robbed em,

Took away the Freedom part and added their personal feelings,

So I can feel however I want to feel I just can’t say it,

On the flipside,

There is a bunch of stuff said that people try to hide,

Things that if you had heard it before you wouldn’t be on their side,

Now today you can’t be openly disrespectful and that’s cool,

There were a bunch of people who had us fooled,

Their words more than their actions made them the fool.

If you write it, record it, or even say it out loud,

Know it’s a chance someone is paying attention,

Not to mention you need to be careful with your thoughts,

They effect every part of you,

It is true eventually your bad thoughts can take over you,

They can make you say things that were unintentional but you still said it,

They can make you lose your temper and say horrible things in the heat of the moment,

Fired,

Divorced,

Alone,

Words can put you on this course,

Of course there is a amazing side of words,

Words can motivate,

Words can bless,

Words can express love,

Words can give hope,

Words have been here since the start,

I have to get better with my words because my words are attached to my heart.

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Letter to Myself: 4th day of Summer

Date: Sometime when I was 13

Today I stayed home all day. I went outside on the front porch but I didn’t go anywhere.

Even being on the porch is interesting. The first thing that happened was this car comes by and stops and asked me if I seen a dog running around. It was two guys supposedly looking for their dog that got loose. I told them no. Then 5 minutes later they come back, I found out they were undercover narcotics cops. They asked me why was I sitting on the porch and what was I doing. “I told them hold on let me go get my mom real fast”, they drove away and I didn’t see them again. I’m 13 and I look 10, I don’t know why they thought I was selling drugs. The real drug dealers were literally across the street selling drugs watching me get harrassed by the cops. I can’t make this stuff up!!

After that my friend Jay came over and played video games for awhile. He brought his dangerous little sister with him. She has done some outrageous stuff lately. She loosened all the bolts on his bike so it would fall apart while he was riding it. She somehow got ahold of their stepfather’s gun and shot at him, lucky for him she was aiming high because she hit the stop sign at the end of their block instead, there’s a hole in the S now. This has all happened in the last two weeks. I wouldn’t be anywhere close to her for a long time if I was him. Shes tried to take him out 2 weeks straight, I wouldn’t give her a third chance. He didn’t tell me he was bringing her, I would have told him she can’t be here. Shes to violently unpredictable. She didn’t do anything while she was here.

After that I sat on the porch for awhile by myself. It was kind of peaceful, it got wild quick. I’m sitting there and this guy in a suit comes running for his life from behind this drug dealers house across the street. What happened was he was a probation officer and he was coming to check on someone but the person started beating him up and he ran to go get help. Help definitely arrived. It was all types of cops all over the block.Mom made me go inside, but since my bedroom is upfront I still could see everything. It was a bunch of undercover cops in jeans and extra small tshirts, majority uniformed police. It wasn’t anything exciting really, just a bunch of people standing around talking. Of course they got the person really quick. He tried to run, but he’s out of shape, it was a short run.

After that I played video games for the rest of the day.

CJ

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Letter to Myself: 3rd day of summer

Date: Sometime When I was 13

Today I’m not going to write about anything that happened. I’m just going to write about a few things I thought about today.

Isn’t strange how grandma house is 3 blocks away and she lives in a peaceful area and we live in the hood. Drug dealers everywhere, drunks everywhere and just a bunch of that kind of stuff going on. Grandma house is on a block where the grass is always cut, ( go one block back and most people don’t have any grass, just dirt)nice brick houses. Nice cars in some of the driveways. Absolutely nothing criminal going on. I always thought its because its within two blocks from 2 major public schools. All I know is ,its like night and day.

That’s one reason I’m always over my grandparents house, peace. It’s a nice get away. The people where I live are so weird about going anywhere, they never leave those 4 or 5 blocks. Never once have I seen them on my grandparents block. They know if they do any of that activity to close to a school, it’s over. That’s a criminal charge not even the worst drug dealer wants. Plus they don’t have any customers over that way.

There is another theory I have why my grandmothers block is so peaceful. I recently heard from a Minister that he was on a airplane and they hit turbulence he said the person sitting beside him started to panic and he told the person beside him ” Don’t worry we’ll be ok, because Jesus is everywhere I am”. Meaning his faith was so strong that he believed God was always watching over him and the people around him. My Grandmother is the closest thing to an Angel I’ve ever seen. From my point of view she is flawless. Shes never angry, always seems to be in a good mood. She loves God with all her heart, she prays and reads her bible every day constantly. I never hear her gossip, not saying she doesn’t, I just haven’t heard it. Also I have never ever heard anyone speak one foul word about her. Not sure how old she is, but I assume really old,seems like someone would say something bad, but nothing.

She believes in God so much she makes you believe . Unbreakable, unshakable faith in a little 4 foot something little grandma. She is my inspiration. Never moody, just solid everyday, good times and bad same person. So I believe she is so blessed that if you are anywhere close by her, it’s a possibility you might be blessed also.

That’s just a few of my thoughts from today .

CJ

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